First Amendment

Let me begin by expressing my hope that you, dear blog reader, will recognize and appreciate the clarity of thought and moral courage it has required to publish this historic message. It will be unpopular among the selfish and shallow thinkers (all Libertarians, most Republicans and three Democrats), but it is time for WE, THE INTELLIGENTSIA, to shoulder the responsibility that accompanies the extraordinary intelligence with which the Big Bang has endowed us. We must speak out, letting the chips fall where they may.

The first amendment to the US Constitution seems innocuous enough at first reading:

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

What our founders failed to realize is that there are millions of emotionally and/or behaviorally challenged among us who may be unduly influenced to the point of violence by the critical remarks of others. These unstable unfortunates (referred to in a less-enlightened era simply as lunatics, whackos or nutjobs) may be inadvertently set off by negative or critical remarks about anything!

Let’s face it, as long as the Emotionally/Behaviorally Challenged (EBC) are among us, free speech is evil. Let us patriotic Americans turn at last to the advice good American mothers have given their children for centuries: “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all”. We must, as responsible citizens, limit our speech to being positive and non-critical. Criticizing or complaining must be recognized for the criminal act that it really is. It is time to correct the lack of vision and foresight exhibited by those who concocted the obviously obsolete document we call The Constitution (who did not understand the delicate sensibilities of the EBC and probably referred to them as “teched in the head”). Amend the First Amendment!!!!

With this blog, I am calling on our courageous Protectors in congress to step forward and co-sponsor a bill to add just one tiny little phrase to the current wording of the First Amendment: “positive, non-critical and upbeat” just prior to the word “speech”. Thus the amended amendment would read:

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of positive, non critical and upbeat speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

This very clever constitutional strategy effectively circumvents the archaic, tedious and needlessly expensive process required for amending the Constitution itself. I am assured by a highly respected (but anonymous by his request) Constitutional scholar (a Harvard graduate, for gosh sakes!), that this is the quickest and most effective way to address this “critical problem” (pardon the pun): Don’t amend the Constitution, simply amend the amendment! The constitution is silent on this subject, so all that is required to accomplish this urgent change is a simple majority of Congress (and everyone knows the majority of Congress is simple.)

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